Hayward Here I Come!

Five days 'til the big show, folks! Did you get your tickets yet? They sell fast! Grab them here.

Here's the info again:

NPC Contra Costa Bodybuilding, Figure, Fitness & Bikini Championship
Chabot College Performing Arts Center
25555 Hesperian Blvd, Hayward
Prejudging, 10 a.m., $25
Finals, 6:30 p.m., $25/$35

Gol !!! (for the soccer fans out there)

The good news is I'm down to my show goal weight of 112 two days before schedule!
Bad news is I'm hungry, tired, sore and my [insert euphemism for period here] is kicking my ass.

We're all family here, right? OK. I've been asked two questions repeatedly by women.
Has the training affected your period?
Has the training increased your sex drive?

Answer 1:
I've come to believe that all those stories about how your period goes away or gets easier for women with very little fat are just urban legends to make us lose weight. No, it hasn't made it any easier. Actually it's been more erratic.

Answer 2: (Mom and Dad, if you're reading, now is time to scroll away.)
Oh yea! Eating very little food, training vigorously and watching my boobs shrink away has made me randy as a virgin at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch. No, people. Not the case. Yes, I feel sexy with my new, tight body, but I didn't get any complaints before and I was eating enough food so I didn't fall asleep before the 10 o'clock news.

So keep that in mind before you follow in Mac's footsteps.

What a Poser

I attended a posing practice Saturday at a dance studio in San Carlos. Kinda frustrating.

The gals who grew up taking tap and jazz and other dance classes as kids have a huge advantage over me. I played the piano and ran track. If you need someone to play some scales or pass a relay baton, I'm you're girl. But this whole graceful, smile, glide thing is really chappin my ass.

The instructor was very helpful and encouraging. I've got my three poses down for the show and understand the way the line ups will work. I just have to practice. A LOT! I've been in front of the mirror trying to smile for long periods of time and not look constipated. It's harder than it sounds.

Workout Whining Revise

Forget everything I said yesterday. Just remember one thing:

GET OFF YOUR PHONE!!!

It's not cute. You're just taking up space and wasting time. Go talk loudly on the phone on the BART or in a store line or one of the other super annoying places people do that. Please just stop doing it at the gym.

Besides, it's super germy and dirty to bring your phone into the gym with you, let alone put it up to your face.

Get it together.

Workout Whining

As you know, I spend a lot of time in the gym. I got to a big box mega-chain gym because it's cheap and close. During my time there I've run into many characters and seen a lot of no-no's committed. Here are a few:

• Don't sit bare-assed on the locker-room benches. We don't need you to pollinate the surfaces of the world with your post-workout junk.


• Stop working out in your jeans. I know you feel more hard-core with your denims on, guys, but com'on. It's far from gangsta.


• Lose the entourage. A half dozen guys led by an OG, strolling around taking up equipment isn't a workout. It's an afternoon at the Elks lodge.


• Guys, stop using the girl-sized weights. If I have to look for the 10-pound dumb bells one more time to see some dude grunting out a set with them, I'm gonna snap.

There's plenty more, but I'll let you chew on these first.

Waist of Time

I know it's annoying to say, but none of my clothes fit and it's becoming an issue. I spend hours trying to sift through my wardrobe to find something I don't have to wear suspenders with.

For those of you who know me, I'm a clothes fiend. I've got a lot of clothes and to not be able to wear the majority of them is like playing crack pipe keep-away with a junkie.

A belt no longer helps, so I'm resigned to only dresses and stretch pants. There are a couple of pieces that fit both before and after, though. Before it was Jessica Rabbit -- now it's more like Jessica Lange. I wear that stuff to work now instead of the club.

On to the Next One

Two weeks 'til my next show! I've buckled down again on my diet after getting to slip a bit after the first show.

I'm going to learn from my mistakes. Smile. Smile. Smile.
I looked nervous and unsure of myself on stage. That won't happen again.

Got to be confident, poised, sexy and show my pearly whites.

I've begun to look at the dates and locations of upcoming shows. Reno. Vegas. Florida. Road trip anyone?